


Split Second

by Deansimpallagrl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 14 Speculation, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 08:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19849639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansimpallagrl/pseuds/Deansimpallagrl
Summary: Dean has been here before and he is tired of losing Sam.  His mind wanders.





	Split Second

Dean is kneeling next to Sam as he bleeds. The cold wet pavement is soaking into the knees of his jeans. He is in full panic mode. The sight of blood on Sam makes him flashback to the first time he was dying in Dean’s arms. Kneeling in cold mud in the dark as he holds a limp Sam against him and feels the wetness on his hand. Shaking the memory off he is begging for Sam to stay with him. He needs Sam to live. He doesn’t want to think of his world without Sam. He sees the light going out of Sam’s eyes and he wants to scream. 

“Hey, hey. Come on we’re gonna play a little game. We’re gonna count ok? We’re gonna count. Count with me. One…two..” Dean tries to keep the panic out of his voice.

“two…” Sam almost whispers

“Yeah there ya go…three..”

“Dean…you..you always put me first. Your whole life..” Sam can’t keep his eyes open.

“Shh Shhh..come on, come on man.” Dean holds his head gently shaking it to try and keep him awake.

As soon as Sam’s body sags and his eyes close, Dean gasps and in his brain, he is screaming. He takes in a breath and the world pauses around him. His pupils dilate as his brain is trying to take in everything at once. He must find a way to fix this. There must be a way to stop this from happening. 

The colors are too bright and shocking. His eyes are so wide, and the cold breeze makes him blink. The snow on the ground around them is so cold, the trees are giving off that sweet pine smell. Baby behind him giving off her oil and gas smells that are stinging his nose. This can’t be happening again. Dean cannot lose Sam again. He isn’t strong enough. His heart has been broken and torn from all the times he has lost people. He lost Bobby, his mother, his father, and his friends. His heart feels like broken glass. So fragile yet sharp. The pieces cut him up inside. There are empty places inside Dean where the cold shadows of despair live. They are reaching through the doors he holds them behind. If he lets them out, he will be overcome with grief and pain.

The panic tries to take over his brain and then it hits him. What will he tell Mom? When he left Sam in the cave on the alternative Earth that was the worst time of his life. He wanted to go out like Sam to be with him. He wanted the starving vampires to tear into his flesh and shred him. He deserves it for letting Sam get killed again. Cass held him back and then when he got back to camp and couldn’t tell her. She understood from the tears and the devastation. The look of confusion in her eyes was crushing. Dean could see the pain and what he thought was blame. She held him and comforted him but how could she not blame him. It was his job to keep Sammy safe. It was the first order his father ever gave him. He has failed at that job so many times in so many ways. Sam came back but he will never leave him behind again. He never forgave himself for that. There were so many moments that death was with them. Dean knows that someday they will die but why now? 

Hope has been creeping into Dean’s heart lately. He had thought maybe this once they were gonna make it. They had Jack in their corner and with Michael taken care of why not hope for a little rest. He should have known better. He doesn’t let hope in very often because it never lasts for long. Something is always trying to rip the world apart.

His dreams sometimes are of sandy beaches and cold beer. Letting the sunlight bake his skin smelling the heat and an ocean breeze. Listening to the waves and feeling the relief from knowing that Sam is safe beside him. That is a silly dream because it will never happen. Dean always wakes up from these dreams with a heavy sadness. 

All these things pass through his brain in seconds. His face pinched with concern and the furrow in his brow from worrying. It seems like years to him but suddenly Jack appears and runs to kneel at Sam’s head touching him, healing him. Sam sits up gasping and Dean is so overjoyed, but he stands to turn away because Sam shouldn’t see his expression. He must put his game face back on. He must be the strong one. He needs to take charge and move them back on goal of catching Nick. Dean can’t stop himself from showing relief and joy, so he turns away. His face breaking for just a moment. His stomach lurches and he can feel the burning at the back of his throat. Almost, it almost happened again. When he turns back Jack is gone and Sam is standing surprised to be alive. They pile into Baby to figure out what the next move is. 

Nick is taken care of per Jack so they are feeling like it is time to regroup. The time for hugging and questions are on hold for now. They decide going back to the bunker is the best place to work on what the next job is. They still don’t know how much of a soul Jack has left. He keeps burning it away to save them. Deep down Dean knows that Jack may be a bigger problem than he wants to face now. 

Sam needs to have some time to recover. He was healed but his mind was traumatized again. He had tried to help Nick. He wanted him to rebuild a life and be a better person. However, Nick was too damaged, and Sam was disappointed again. Now he was almost killed by him. This was too much for Sam right now. They need to go back to regroup at the bunker. Meet up with mom and Jack again. 

When they get back from dropping off Donatello they find no one in the bunker. They are relieved to have some time alone. There are things to do but just for a little while maybe then can relax. The look and call out for Jack and Mom but no one is there. Sam goes to take a shower and group his thoughts. Dean is trying to calm himself down.   
Listening to the water in the shower makes Dean shiver. The drops make him think of rain and without warning his tears begin to fall. He tries never to do it in front of people because he is the strong one but this time, he needs this. He puts his elbows on his knees and head in hands he lets it out. The sobs are soft as his shoulders shake. He doesn’t want Sam to hear. The patter of his tears falling on the floor are drowned out by the shower. Some hit his boots the leather darkening then absorbing the liquid. As soon as he hears the water shut off, he jumps out of the chair whipping his face with his sleeves. He heads for the kitchen in the other direction so he can grab a beer and try to look calm.   
Sam walks into the kitchen in new clothes his head throbbing but feeling ok. He sees Dean and his heart hurts. He has always been able to read Dean like a book. He knows how much Dean is breaking right now. There have been so many times they have had this scene in different times and different places. Dean always thinks he is hiding his pain and Sam always lets him pretend. This time Sam won’t let it go on. He just can’t watch this anymore. Dean rarely gets comforted he is always comforting others.   
Usually there are hard choices to make or the world to save. Right now, they are in between urgent issues. Figuring out where Jack and Mom are is important, but a little time to hold Dean is important too. 

Sam walks over to Dean watching as his eyes dart around the room like a frightened animal. He reaches out and takes the beer out of his hand setting it on the counter. He pulls Dean into his chest and wraps his arms around him holding him tight. Dean sighs and clutches onto Sam like a drowning man. He won’t let more tears fall but he will take the warm comfort of the person most dear in this world to him. They stand holding each other and feeling a warmth flows over their skin. They closed their eyes, and the room fills with golden light. It is a force that is inside them and when they are sharing pain their souls light up. They are joined by a deep bond. They know but it has never been put into words. The closest they have ever come to understanding is during love making. That is when they see the soul of the other glowing. They always think it is due to lust, but it is the power they hold together. They don’t have to speak because this moment is timeless, and no words are needed. When Sam starts to let go Dean feels like he is waking from a dream. He clears his throat and grabs his beer to hide his smirk of joy. 

Sam chuckles to himself going to get a beer of his own. They needed to figure out what happened to mom and Jack. They still were not home and worry was beginning to grow in them both.


End file.
